Have you ever had a “hiccup”? No! I don’t mean the “drank a bucket of soda too fast” kind. I mean the metaphorical kind.
The kind that makes you suddenly fall into a vat of swirling panic and fear. Filled with every dark thought, dark action, dark memory you could conjure.
I had one of those today.
I was at my desk smiling like a goof ball because… I am one.
Then I look down at my power plug and noticed something weird. I touched a cord that looked frayed and there was a SPARK! (Not the good kind either!)
And I may or may not have been zapped. I honestly don’t remember being zapped. (And since, sadly, I have no super powers, that kind of proves it!) But I have been mentally talking to myself in a southern accent reminiscent of Scarlet O’Hara and sputtering out phrases like “Butter my biscuits! Bless your heart! Nascar!”
But that really could be less my being zapped by a stray, bare wire and more me just being me. (My money is on the latter!)
But the modem that this frayed wire was attached to DID get zapped. Well…sweet baby Jesus and sweet tea!
I had a moment, though.
A conscious fearful moment where I felt a well-spring of anxiety start to sprout. This is my life line! This is my connection to making my dream a reality! Holy corn-pone what am I supposed to do now?
But then…I stopped.
Next thing I know I dropped into my chair and started to chuckle.
Things happen. They just…happen. No one to blame.
I could so easily have had a melt down. I could have burst into tears, shaken a fist at the ceiling and de-cry the fickleness of fate. I could have let this cripple me at that very moment. I could have let all of my hard earned strength and determination just collapse.
It would have been easy. It would have been acceptable. It would have been expected.
But God forbid that little ol’ me does what’s “expected”!
You see-I did not want to let fear rule the day.
Because fear is a liar!
So I took a deep breath and pulled my inner southern belle out! With a “fiddle-de-de” and a flouncing twirl in my chair, I just let it go.
Let me repeat.
I. Just. Let. It. Go.
The modem will be replaced and I have alternate ways of communicating. (In fact, I am typing this blog entry on my phone.) I will focus on other things to do, like work on the story outlines and dialogue I have been trying to tweak. I will do other things since I cannot do my usual trolling the internet for cute puppy pictures and make-up! (Yes! I know I can still do this on my phone but you’re killing my groove here with that kind of logic!)
I decided that I will not let a silly little thing like a broken modem take me down.
Lets be honest, though. My first “go-to” was a total emotional upheaval.
But why, you wonder?
It’s comfortable. Giving in to the fear is a normal reaction and it is comfortable. All of the same old doubts and fears were waiting for their cue to rush into my head and clog dance their way into a panic attack.
And let’s admit it-we all have a fear of “something”! We often keep it close and nurture it simply because it IS comfortable. It is easy. It is “known”.
Being afraid is my go-to. It is a mental security blanket that says “you suck” and I accepted that by-line for so much of my life.
BUT!! We all need to LET FEAR GO! Stop believing the lie that fear whispers into our ear-that we will fail, that we are not good enough, or the worst? That we do not deserve this. Each of us deserve happiness and dreams fulfilled. Each of us must let fear go and stop listening to the lie.
And that is what I was able to do! Let the fear go!
Will I always be able to do this?
Despite my grand level of fabulousness, I am actually only human. There will be times when I will break and fear will win. But I will strive to make those moments few and far.
Because fear can kiss my grits!
Please my lovelies! Do not let fear win! Do not listen to those lies in your head that sound suspiciously like all of the negative nay-sayers in your life.
Fear is a liar!
And you deserve only the truth of how awesome each of you are!
I am comically and tragically pissed off about things.
In my defense...I was left unsupervised.
In my defense...I was left unsupervised.
Bizarre thoughts from author Jenny Lawson - Like Mother Teresa, only better.
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