Don’t try this at home!

…the good news-the fire was easily put out! The bad news-the toaster is, well, toast.

I had this awesome idea! And for those who know and love me, you know this is a daily occurrence. I have some fantasticlly awesome ideas!

Except they are usually only awesome in my head!

Side note, and this is germaine to the whole morning I just had, I do not own a microwave oven. Have not had one for nearly 4 years now, at last glance of the calendar. And honestly, I only have a few moments when I think I should invest in one. Like when I want popcorn, or like today when I wanted to heat up a blueberry muffin.

Holy sweet baby Jesus in a tu-tu! I love a warm blueberry muffin that lets out the steam as you slice it open, the butter melting, easing into each pore of the moist creamy texture, the scent of the blueberries as they open from the heat, crumbling tidbits that fall as you take a bite into the warm goodness that is a warm blueberry muffin.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………………………

Wait. Where was I?

Oh yes! No microwave to warm a muffin.

And my awesome idea!

Theoretically it was a brilliant freaking idea, alright?!

I decided that if I put the muffin on the top of the toaster and set the toaster to high, I can still get a warm muffin!

It was warm alright! Black and burnt because the paper wrapper caught fire. I had turned away for maybe a minute! (or five-I may have gotten distracted!) Then I heard this little “POP” and turned around to see a small ball of flame on the toaster. I can still smell the burnt blueberry throughout the house. Not as pleasant as you would hope it to be.

But truth be told…it was freaking cool!

Besides, I needed a new toaster anyway. This one was only toasting one side of the bread so not a huge loss. Just a freaking great way to get rid of this old thing. Never thought I was a pyromaniac but I have often set things on fire.

TOTALLY BY ACCIDENT! 

I have burnt several pots and pans over the years because I have a horrible habit of putting things on the stove to cook and then walking away. One time, I forgot to put water in my pretty pink tea kettle when I set it on the stove to boil. That was last winter actually-threw that sucker outside in the snow. Melted its way to the ground-nothing but steam rising. Heheheh! That was cool!

The afore mentioned microwave accidentally caught on fire. I had put some chicken in it to defrost and POOF! The chicken blew up, the glass turntable cracked and there were flames coming from the back of the thing. SO crazy!

Funny as fuck but crazy!

Maybe my next awesome idea should be to hire a babysitter to take care of me.

Oh! And buy  fire extinguisher.